Sometimes you just need a big-ass bowl of soup. It’s warm and satisfying…and oh so comforting when you discover that your son is a kleptomaniac at the tender age of 3.
Kleptomania (klep-toe-MAY-nee-uh): the recurrent failure to resist urges to steal items that you generally don’t really need and that usually have little value.
So how can you tell if your spawn is a kleptomaniac? I’ve identified a few warning signs:
This one should’ve been a giant red flag for me, but sometimes a boy just needs a mint or a quick dab of lipgloss. Who am I to deny him these basic human needs?? Plus, I figured I just had to file this under “When the words ‘We Share’ come back and bite you in the ass”.
I let this one slide because I figured food is a necessity. Plus, the timid, little rule-following people-pleaser inside of me kind of secretly respected his lawless gumption.
Annnnnnnd this was the clincher, the point at which I could no longer deny my child’s thievery. I watched in horror as Luke fished this insane assortment of random shit from the pockets of his skinny jeans last week, smugly producing item after item, none of which was his.
“What the f**k?!” I muttered under my breath, my brow in full-on furrow, perplexed as to how these weird-ass trinkets came into his possession.
Side note:
No seriously, like at least 20 times a day.
Jack clogs the toilet (again) and can’t be bothered to let anyone know? What the f**k. Ford comes to the dinner table buck naked, then proceeds to eat noodles off his penis? What the f**k. Luke has an epic meltdown at naptime and summons his mutant superhuman strength to procure a death grip on the doorframe? What the f**k. It just works. But I digress.
I began questioning myself as a mother, as I tend to do often. Where did I go wrong?? How can I fix this?? Is this mini mop, fake housefly and tiny plastic black baby just gateway larceny on the way to grand theft auto?? I needed some comfort food, and fast.
Enter this soup.
Chock full of chicken and veggie goodness swimming in an uber slurpable bone-broth, this piping hot bowl of deliciousness almost made me forget that my son is a petty thief.
I use bone-in chicken legs with the skin still on – the skin adds unmatched flavor in the form of yummy fat drippings that I use to sauté the mirepoix veggies (pronounced meer-pwah – you’re welcome) – a combo of onion, carrot and celery that is used as a base for tons of soups and sauces. And as always, my trusty Le Creuset enameled cast-iron dutch oven is my vessel of choice, getting shit done right every. time.
The soup did its job. With a spoon in my hand and broth in my bowl, the weight of life’s problems seemed manageable again. We returned the stolen goods in question, and I now keep my purse hanging safely on a hook where Luke’s little 40-inch ass can’t reach it. All is right with the world.
Servings |
-6
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Ingredients
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